Nights In White Satin
by Gaelcelt
Summary: Steve/Bucky slash. Songfic. Steve reflects on Bucky's death and how he never got to tell him how much he loved him. But after Steve awakens in 2011, something unexpected happens. Inspired by Mario Frangoulis' rendition of "Nights in White Satin".


I own none of these characters.

Steve/Bucky slash. Songfiction. Steve reflects on Bucky's death and how he never had the chance to tell him how much he loved him. But something unexpected happens after he has awakened in 2011. The Italian/English rendition of "Nights in White Satin", "Notte de Luce", by Mario Frangoulis and Justin Hayworth is a song that I just knew would support a Steve/Bucky romance. This is the result.

Night of Light/Nights In White Satin

Steve didn't want to believe it was true. Bucky was gone. His best friend and soulmate was gone, fallen from a train in the icy mountains, right in front of him, and he'd been powerless to save him. Just out of his reach.

Drinking gave him no relief. The serum had blessed him with superhuman powers and health to match. His increased metabolism was now a curse, as alcohol now had no effect. Not even slightly tipsy.

It hurt all the more since he knew, even if Bucky was still with him, that his true feelings for Bucky could never be realized. To Steve, Bucky was more than his best friend, his brother by association… he was the love of his life.

But the endless stream of women that Bucky had charmed…! The mere fact that people simply did not acknowledge that homosexuality existed… all of it hurt like nothing else. Steve was fairly sure that Bucky would not shun him, but what would he have thought?

No. Steve had to swallow his feelings and channel his pain and yearning into a secret collection of letters that he'd written since he'd finally acknowledged at age sixteen, after two years of internal struggle, that he loved Bucky. He'd lie awake at night as Bucky slept beside him, consumed internally by alternating waves of desire, shame, and fright. Letters into which he'd poured his heart, mind, and soul for James Buchannan Barnes, who had been there for him since they were just boys in an orphanage. He carefully hid the letters away from Bucky, terrified that Bucky would find them and discover the true depth of Steve's love for him.

iNotte di luce bNights full of light/b/i  
iUna notte infinita bAn infinite night/b/i  
iUna lettera che bA letter that/b/i  
iNon sara mai spedita bwill never be sent/b/i

Steve threw himself into his duties headfirst now, eager to find any distraction from the pain that knawed at him. He'd taken worse injuries, from split knuckles to broken ribs, but this dull ache in his heart was so intense that he was near the brink of sobbing. Not even the Howling Commandos, his newfound friends, could read the blank look on his face that belied the anguish under the surface.

While he was lucid in the missions, he returned to base and hardly remembered what he had done. Nothing seemed real, anymore. While most people would say that Captain America had everything going for him, that allied civilians fawned over him at every turn, it meant nothing to him now that the roots tying hi to Bucky had been cruelly torn from him.

_Cos'e la realta **What is reality**_  
_lo non lo so piu **I do not know any more**_  
_Ad occhi aperti **Eyes opened**_  
_Il mio sogno sei tu **My dream is you**_

While he and Peggy played the steady couple, Steve knew that he only liked her as a friend, a kindred spirit. For the sake of decorum, for his own safety, he stood by Peggy and played the part of the adoring boyfriend. His heart lie buried somewhere in those terrible mountains with the man he loved.

_Io ti amo **I love you**_  
_Si, ti amo **Yes, I love you**_  
_Quanto ti amo **How I love you**_

It was a cruel façade. Steve remembered the lovey-dovey antics of young couples holding hands on the streets back home and now in the war zone, boys and girls of his age who were free to hold hands and kiss in public, young women who would get all the sympathy in the world if their boyfriends and husbands did not return, young men who longed for their girlfriends and wives back home. Steve reeled and suppressed wincing, knowing that the pain of his loss would be derided or even bring hostility.

_Guardo la gente **I look at people**_  
_Mano per mano **Hand in hand**_  
_Nessuno capisce **No one understands**_  
_Quello che provo **What I'm going through**_

Schmidt was dead, as far as Steve knew. He didn't care, really. Not anymore. As Schmidt's airship plummeted from the skies, Steve welcomed his demise. He barely heard Peggy's frantic voice over the static on the radio as he gave his report. No more of this charade. No more pretending. He was ready to die. He wanted Bucky. He wanted to be with him again. Alone with his thoughts at last, his breath convulsed as he let out shuddering sobs.

i"I love you, Bucky…! I love you more than you'll ever know…!"/i Steve gasped, waiting for death to reunite him with the man he couldn't forget.

_Respiro il silenzio **I breathe the silence**_  
_Dei tuoi pensieri **of your thoughts**_  
_Un giorno sarai **Some day you will be**_  
_Tutto quello che speri **All that you hope for**_

_Io ti amo **I love you**_  
_Si, ti amo **Yes, I love you**_  
_Quanto ti amo **How I love you**_  
_Quanto ti amo **How I love you**_

It had been such a cruel joke. Steve had awakened in 2011, apparently unharmed by the crash. It had been seventy years since his time and if his former friends were still alive, they were at least ninety. Now he worked with SHIELD, whose tactic in awakening him to the twenty-first century he found just as cruel as his survival, albeit unintentionally cruel. But the new friends that he had made in the Avengers, it stymied him. He often clashed with Tony, but he had to smile; he had every bit of Howard Stark's personality. It felt so strange that he was physically the youngest of them and that they looked up to him, but Steve was relieved that they were good-natured and patient in filling him in on what he had missed.

And he was astounded at what had changed. The best surprise for him was the increased tolerance and increasing acceptance of homosexuality and the like. They called themselves "gay", "lesbian", "LGBTQ", and more labels than he could even remember, but what mattered to Steve was that the hostility was much less than it was when he and Bucky were together… and it hurt all the more that Bucky wasn't there to share it with him. But he said nothing to his new friends; he was still of the generation that kept their silence on such matters, since it was too private for public discourse.

It was following a battle that Steve discovered a miracle.

The Winter Soldier had been taken into custody. He proved as brutal an adversary as Steve had imagined, but something about him was so familiar. His eyes were the only part of his face that showed, but Steve recognized them. And it shook him to his core. It was all that he could do to keep himself from collapsing to his knees.

Bucky!

As he struggled with the SHIELD agents, the Winter Soldier caught sight of Captain America watching him, removing his own mask. The features that he'd thought seemed familiar in the battle soon made him stop struggling and gape in surprise as he saw the Captain unmasked.

Steve-!

He suddenly remembered. Remembered all the nights that he lie awake, thinking about Steve, terrified of losing him to another bout in the hospital or losing him if he learned that his best friend was in love with him. Overjoyed to hold him close but terrified that his body would reveal his true feelings in a painfully obvious way. How he tried in vain to drown his feelings by charming countless women who he secretly knew would never compare to Steve. Those girls soon sensed that his heart wasn't in it and left. His journal reflected all of these tribulations.

_Nights in white satin_  
_Never reaching the end_  
_Letters I've written_  
_Never meaning to send_

Bucky dropped to his knees, stunned, his heart too full to react. Steve was before him in an instant, and they embraced like they would be torn asunder once more.

"You're alive-! How can this be real?!" Steve gasped as he tore off his gloves and caressed Bucky's face, the SHIELD agents around them forgotten.

"The Soviets found me after I'd fallen. They made me into this, into the Winter Soldier…!" Bucky's voice was quiet and brittle, eyes watering as he gazed into Steve's eyes, "I must've lost my arm, because I've been armed with this one since I woke up in their custody."

Tears rolled from Steve's eyes and, before he knew it, he was kissing Bucky full on the lips, running his hands through Bucky's raven hair.

"Steve~?" Bucky was taken aback. Steve gulped, his face gone pale, "I'm sorry-! I was-!"

"No, don't apologize-!" Bucky gently chided him, "I…"

Smiling broadly, tears spilling from his eyes, Bucky eagerly returned the kiss, "I've waited for so long to do this, Steve…!" he murmured into Steve's ear as he broke the kiss, "I can't begin to tell you how happy you've made me...!"

Steve wept for joy as they held each other, faces each buried in the other's neck.

_And I love you, _  
_ (Io ti amo) _  
_Yes, I love you, _  
_ (Si, ti amo) _  
_Oh, how I love you. _

After enduring Tony's playful remarks and a few reprimands from Fury, the newly reunited friends stumbled through the door of Steve's apartment, trying to close the door as quickly as possible and ensure their privacy. They'd missed too much of each other already.

Kiss upon eager kiss thrilled them as they struggled from their shirts, gasping as skin met skin. But Steve soon felt the scars that etched Bucky's back and a number of smaller ones on his chest, breaking his reverie.

"Bucky-! Soldier, what happened to you?!"

Bucky realized that Steve had not seen his scars. "I'm sorry, I should have told you…!"

Steve's eyes ran over his lover's torso, wincing at the sight of what he knew had to be cuts from a whip.

"Steve…?" Bucky braced himself, afraid of what would happen next.

To his surprised relief, Bucky felt Steve plant a gentle kiss to a scar on his left pectoral, heard him crying softly.

"Babe…!" The newfound pet name slipped from Bucky's lips as he wrapped his arms around Steve, "Shhh, it's all right…!"

"I just can't bear the thought that someone would hurt you, Soldier…!" Steve's gasped against Bucky's beating heart, weeping as he kissed it through Bucky's breastbone, "Oh Bucky, I love you…!"

_(Nights in white satin) _  
_Yes, I love you_  
_ (Never reaching the end) _  
_Oh, how I love you_  
_ (Nights in white satin) _

Their first orgasm together has been quick and clumsy, but they had never felt so satisfied in their lives. Steve gently kissed the tender flesh of Bucky's belly and loins, giving thanks for the greatest gift that he could ever have received.

Bucky urged Steve upwards, "I need you, Babe…! Hold me." He quickly curled against Steve, resting his tired head on his lover's breast.

"It's a miracle, if there ever was one…!" Bucky murmured.

"You have no idea, Bucky…!" Steve squeezed him gently.

_Oh, how I love you...!_  
_Oh, how I love you._.._!_


End file.
